Friday, January 18, 2008

Stepping back to really see my children

At times I get so caught up in the minutiae of being a mother that I forget who I'm mothering. What is the reason for my effort? I catch myself saying, "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" to be on time to an event I signed my children up for, FOR THEIR ENRICHMENT... I fret over a mismatched outfit that Amanda proudly and independently put together... I furrow my brow when the girls aren't compliant and exert their own minds. The thing that made me cringe the most was this callous thought: "I can't wait until Abigail turns 13 months so I can stop nursing and have the freedom to really do the things I want to do."

I say I'd lay down my life for them, yet I don't hold sacred the work of building them up - I've been gifted these girls, and I am in charge of their nutritional, mental, intellectual, emotional well being.

So, it is time to step back. See who my children really are. Look in their eyes to feel their souls, connect with their dreams, tell them I love them without opening my mouth... the sheer strength of my emotion chokes the words in my throat. I love them so much, and they deserve a mom who is purposeful, thoughtful, proactive in her relationship to them.

I pray for clarity, for a strong vision to lead these precious daughters, so that I may be a worthy steward. I want to share their journey with great joy.


Linda said...

What a beautiful post Heather. I think many people get caught up in the moments and forget about the big picture.

Donna S. said...

How insightful and what a good mother you are to reflect on this. Don't be too hard on yourself... the reality is that it is HARD to get through a day with two small children. I'll bet you give your daughters more of this beautiful insight than you give your kids credit for!

Jackie said...

Oh this is just a wonderful post of your musings....

Lisa said...

Heather, I'm right there with ya. You have captured exactly how I have been feeling lately. I hope it helps to know there are others with similar struggles.

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