Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The biggest hurdle

I hate to fail.

I know that's a funny statement - really, who enjoys failure? Yet this is an honest struggle I have. I hate to fail so much that I sometimes quit before something comes to fruition. This I have identified over the years. Sabotage is a weird mind game.

On the eve of a pretty remarkable project development, I am feeling that familiar "bail before you fail" tingling in my gut, stealing my precious sleep.

But this time, I think I will allow myself to see the joy in the journey.

Sure, there are huge hurdles ahead of me:

so what?

And I could get pierced by the barbs - the "you're not good enough", "why are you doing this", and "you'll fall flat on your face":

so what?

This I have confidence in: I sincerely strive to do what rings in my heart as God-led. I feel a peace in this. Success or failure is pretty miniscule now... the bigger picture is whether I follow His will.

With all my heart, I will.


Jen Wolff said...

Hmmmm? Big project, big secret???? Can't wait to hear more about it when the time is right! We can be our own worst enemies! Heather, you can do anything, you are amazing! Like Dory in Nemo says "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!!" or to quote a line from Waterboy "Youcanduit!" Sorry, I just can't help myself, I often quote movies. Success and failure, we learn and become better people from both!Good luck with your project!

Carol said...

I know how you are feeling - I often sabotage myself if I don't feel success being guaranteed.
You have documented your thoughts so well with the photos.
I hope you find peace to allow sleep and let you make the right decision.

Anke said...

those photos really underline your feelings well. Great job done on those! Now to get that project going....

Brenda said...

I already know where you're headed with this, yet I still feel that excited sense of anticipation after reading your post. I have no doubt that you will be successful as you take this next step.

Donna S. said...

Oh - you have no idea how many times I have though of throwing in the towle on my little program... it would be so much easier than struggling to make it happen... but living with the idea I gave up... can't do it. You are so talented AND smart... you WILL do what you want to do and succeed at it!

April Dawn said...

Heather!! I love how you used your talent to show your softer side! You know where I stand with your Big Project, and will continue to stand, and the jump up and down, and then scream my head off cheering you on as you blow everyone out of the water with the skills, and all around talent we all know you have.

It is always hardest to see this in ourselves, but it doesn't make it any less there!! I am with you!

soinkincute said...

Very candid and beautiful statements. I love the photographs. Awesome!!! I have bookmarked your blog! I love it.

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