Home base

I have been feeling a restlessness in my soul that I initially attributed to being snowed under with work reports. Those are done now, yet the quiver in my spirit does not die down. I catch myself snapping at my children, with undertones of resentment from having to set aside my long list of to dos to simply play with them. I have spent less time sitting with and enjoying the company of my husband....

I've strayed so far from home base.

This base cushioned with gratitude and the knowing that I live out a sacred calling to mother with strength and vision, and to be an uplifting partner to my husband - I now take slow, purposeful steps back there. This base is at the feet of my Father, and my life becomes inexorably off-kilter and muddled without dwelling there.

Brennan Manning said, “The dominant characteristic of an authentic spiritual life is the gratitude that flows from trust—not only for all the gifts that I receive from God, but gratitude for all the suffering. Because in that purifying experience, suffering has often been the shortest path to intimacy with God.”

There have been some painful times. And there have been exceedingly good times. Trusting that my life will be used and directed exactly as it needs to be, I find the joyous tune in my heart again. It's the same tune I sang when each of my children were born, when my husband and I exchanged our vows to each other.

This is the song of my home base, and it's coming back.

Focus

I have had an incredibly difficult time tying loose ends, getting things done lately. I think I'm trying to do too much at once... master of none. Time to regroup. One thing at a time... one step at a time... breathe, and FOCUS.

Some layouts to share:


This scenario takes place throughout the day... too much love for each other. But don't be fooled; the little Crabigail can have her big sis running to Momma in tears via slapping, scratching, pulling hair. It's WWF, powder puff version. Credits here.



A layout using Lisa Habisreutinger's latest kit. I sure do enjoy being on her CT! Her stuff gives me digi happiness. :) The photo is by Fleurish Photography here in Eagle ID. Credits here.


This is my favorite... dedicated to Chole in MT - you are not alone, my friend. (Credits here)

(click on images to enlarge)

Digi - Joy unconfined

Found a very cool quote today:

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;
No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

I think the first line goes perfectly with this layout:

Designer Lisa Habisreutinger's latest kit Suggestion Box 1 is chock full of great elements.

Tonight I feel a struggle... nurturing the children, having the house intact and in order, spending time with the husband, finishing work reports, finding a creative outlet - these things don't mesh well all the time. How do I not let any drop?

Stepping back to really see my children

At times I get so caught up in the minutiae of being a mother that I forget who I'm mothering. What is the reason for my effort? I catch myself saying, "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" to be on time to an event I signed my children up for, FOR THEIR ENRICHMENT... I fret over a mismatched outfit that Amanda proudly and independently put together... I furrow my brow when the girls aren't compliant and exert their own minds. The thing that made me cringe the most was this callous thought: "I can't wait until Abigail turns 13 months so I can stop nursing and have the freedom to really do the things I want to do."

I say I'd lay down my life for them, yet I don't hold sacred the work of building them up - I've been gifted these girls, and I am in charge of their nutritional, mental, intellectual, emotional well being.

So, it is time to step back. See who my children really are. Look in their eyes to feel their souls, connect with their dreams, tell them I love them without opening my mouth... the sheer strength of my emotion chokes the words in my throat. I love them so much, and they deserve a mom who is purposeful, thoughtful, proactive in her relationship to them.

I pray for clarity, for a strong vision to lead these precious daughters, so that I may be a worthy steward. I want to share their journey with great joy.

On parenting - imparting roots and wings

Parenting: an obligation or joy? Depends on how we approach it. Here are some of my favorite quotes on parenting:

.......
"It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself."

- Joyce Maynard

.......
"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."

- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

.......
"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.

- Hodding Carter

.......
Consider the magnitude of the last quote. Nurturing the growth of ROOTS and WINGS is a deep, spiritual, mental, physical process, and it takes blood, sweat, and tears to cultivate. But the rewards - ! If my children can be the people they are meant to be - with all the potential talents, dreams, visions realized - that is the idea of success. Not how much money they can make or how famous they become. I hope my children will turn to me some day and say, "You weren't the perfect mom, but you tried to be the best mom you could be. I learned from you."

Thank goodness I don't parent alone - Ron is the best sidekick I could have asked for.

Look what I found among the pointsettia - a Panda!

And Ron and his Mini-me:

(click on photos for larger images)

I love my family. So much.

Onward along our sojourn, 2008 is here

Happy New Year, dear family and friends! It is with much anticipation that we look ahead to this year.

I had a million things to write down to flesh out my new year's resolutions list. But then I encountered Ann V's thoughtful and eloquent blog, and as I read through a few of her posts, I realize my life isn't to be lived checking off a long, frenzied to-do list. Where has my yearning for God been? Do I hear His voice? Am I a vehicle through which His light illuminates my children's steps in this sojourn? Does my home reflect the awe and wonder I felt for Him when my faith was new? For whom do I toil?

Ann V. posted this beautiful poem that I feel is worthy to share this day:

by Annie Johnson Flint

I do not ask that I may steer
My peaceful bark by peaceful shores alone,
Nor that I linger, harbor-bound,
And sail no stormy seas unknown;
I only ask this boon of Thee:
Be ever in the ship with me.

I do not ask that I may dwell
From din of battle far removed,
Nor ever feel temptation's force,
Nor ever know mine armor proved;
I only ask, through Life's long fight,
Grant me the power of Thy might.

I do not ask, that I may walk
Only on smoothly trodden grass,
Nor ever climb the mountain's height
And trembling, through its dangers pass;
I only ask, on rocks or sand,
The sure upholding of Thy hand.

I dare not pray for any gift
Upon my pilgrim path to Heaven;
I only ask one thing of Thee:
Give Thou Thyself and all is given.
I am not strong not brave nor wise;
Be Thou with me - it shall suffice.

When I start looking at things through this new mindset, I hope to see the little things that make life a joy....

Here is a photo that I took in early December. Look at this understated beauty. God's fingerprints are everywhere. I just have to stop and realize them.

(click for larger image)